I would never be chosen as a contestant on a TV game show because I don’t jump for joy when I’m elated. I’m not a fan of the genre, but sometimes, I happen across one of the programs when I tune in early for something I want to watch. It seems the participants hop up and down whenever they win. Whether I’m happy or sad or somewhere in between, I don’t usually exhibit my emotions in public.
I had a chance to discuss this quirk with our children when they were grade-schoolers and Ken’s grandfather died after a long and productive life. My husband and I thought our kids were old enough to attend the evening visitation with us. Beforehand, I sat down with the three of them to explain that you can’t measure another person’s grief by the tears you see them shed. Some people show their emotions openly but others keep them inside. There Isn’t a right way or wrong way when it comes to personal feelings.
In bygone days, there were social customs about mourning.
The family members wore black for the funeral. The spouse spent a year grieving the loss of a partner. Today, there are no rules. Instead of a traditional visitation and funeral, some are opting for cremation and a celebration of life.
All phases of life are treated more openly. While I was little, only a few older ladies would give me a hug. Now, I find myself receiving an embrace from most acquaintances when we meet and say good-bye. I force myself to return the gesture of friendship but it still doesn’t feel natural to me.
Conversation is more informal. Growing up, I used Mr. and Mrs. for all adults. Our kids’ friends called us Ken and Lolita. It’s the same when I visit a doctor’s office. My records include a note about how to pronounce my first name although I continue to say doctor and use his last name.
Do you express your emotions openly or keep most of them inside except when you’re alone?