Yesterday would have been Linda’s 65th birthday–definitely making our oldest child a senior citizen, but she died of a fast-spreading breast cancer in 2008 when she was 48 years old. The death of a child is considered a parent’s worst nightmare but it was different for Ken and me. We could also see it as a blessing because we were in our seventies and still caring for Linda, who would never be an independent adult.
In the beginning, we didn’t notice anything wrong with Linda. When she started first grade in 1966, the teacher recommended that she be tested by the school psychologist who termed her retarded. Later that year, she had her first epileptic seizure at school. An MRI showed she had brain damage from an unknown origin. Medication controlled those episodes. None of the special education classes worked for our daughter. When she turned sixteen, the school officials recommended she quit school and we agreed.
Linda was physically healthy and I expected her to continue into her nineties. As our three children were entering middle-age, Lisa, who is fourteen months younger, complained, “Linda doesn’t even have gray hair.”
When I turned seventy, I knew I should start looking for a place for our daughter to live when we were no longer able to handle the responsibility. According to news items, the residential homes all had waiting lists. I didn’t want her sister and brother to be burdened after we were gone.
I had been hiring part-time caretakers for years but they were my choice. I hated to think about turning our daughter over to strangers. From time to time, there were reports that the staff was abusive at one of those places. The parents could do nothing because they had relinquished the guardianship of their child.
Linda will always be part of our family. A teddy bear made from her pink T-shirt and adorned with her Girl Scout memorabilia sits on the family room davenport as a reminder.
How have you coped with loss?